i don't really know what is going on in my mind.
the urge to watch more korean drama and just lazing my day away is getting more and more intense by the day.

i just came back from ian's house after a night of crazy drinking.
reflected on myself after all this madness, and have came to a decision that i shouldn't seek the wild side.
all along, i thought i should at least try something wild, something really out of my character.
but after a night of mindless madness, despite being with the people that i enjoy being with, i have come to a conclusion that this sort of partying is really not me.

i've been feeling really half-hearted these few days.
while i rest, the massive amount of readings, tutorials etc are always chanting and spinning in my head.
then as i do my work, the temptation to watch teevee, surf the web or listen to korean drama ost is always so alluring.
i don't really know what to do to control myself.
it's driving my crazy and i want this madness to go away!

argh!
i'm boiling right now!

just had a fight with pa.
i don't even think it's my fault.
please! i'm not even the one cleaning the fish tank.
if you want to change the water in the fish tank, then take note of the flowing water.
the overflowing water wasn't even my fault,
knowing so well that once i'm absorbed into the teevee screen, you can never bring my attention back.
you didn't even inform me to look at the water coming out from hose.
how would i know how to turn the tap off when i haven't use it before.
i'm being really helpful when informing you that the water is overflowing when i heard the water pouring out of the tank.
plus, you have the cheek to say that it's all my fault when you know clearly that you went to do something else and totally neglected the flowing water from the hose.
it's no use reasoning with you.
unreasonable barbarian.
ARGH!

sometimes, i don't even think that you're mature enough to be my pa.
and i feel quite ashame to admit that you're my dad, sometimes.

i just want to write before i go bogus with school.
it's already semester 2 and i'm still not used to the uni life.
everyone still seem pretty foreign to me.
i consider them friends but somehow i still feel a distance between them.
it's not like we're close enough to share stuff like daily experiences etc.

i'm still lingering in my jc life.
got to up my CAP.
i shan't join anymore clubs or anything more already.
i'm starting to feel the pressure now.
so many readings to catch up.
plus, so much more tutorials to clear.

i wish to spend some time alone to reflect on myself.
i miss my cousins now.
there's nobody else more than to talk and spend time with the cousins to know that i have people who cares for me.
teng seems busy with her stuff to spend time with me too.
sigh. i feel miserable, somehow.

2010 is approaching in about 9 more hours!
I can't believe how fast time passes.
i won't say that 2009 is a fantastic year but it's more or less a typical year that i usually have.
new school, new friends, and plenty of things for me to discover.
it's more like a year of independence. a year where i truly feel that i'm forced to grow up and rely on my own.
well, it's life and i accept that. come to think of it, 2009 is pretty good.

anyway,
2010 WILL DEFINITELY BE A FANTASTIC YEAR!
i'm going to make new year resolutions with the cousins later at joanne's place
and i'm going to paste it up on my room wall
and complete every single one of them
it's going to be an awesome year
and i'm pretty looking forward to it now.
it doesn't matter how many resolutions i make
all it matters is the process of completing them
and getting them completed.

2010, HERE I COME!
GO JO GO!!!

a poem said to me from alicia to cheer me up. You with the sad eyes Don't be discouraged Oh I realize It's hard to take courage In a world full of people You can lose sight of it all And the darkness, inside you Can make you feel so small Phil Collins: True Colors